When the heart and the mind pull in different directions, the consequences are often more profound than we realize.

In my younger years, full of frustration and uncertainty, I wasn’t very scholarly to be called a great student. Still, I carried a dream, a goal I had imposed upon myself to become a Medical Physician.

To help guide me toward that goal suddenly one day a charming family friend appeared in front of me. I almost lost my sense when she was introduced to me.

She seemed like a force of nature, with a mind as sharp as her beauty, graceful and captivating, and for a while. She had the presence of a scholar, whose intelligence and confidence commanded attention.

I was completely mesmerized. Every glance from her large, sparkling eyes made my heart race. Soon, I realized that the feeling was mutual.

The Unspoken Bonds That Tied Us

She visited me often, and I was lost in my insecurities. Burdened by my doubts and fears, I struggled to find the right words. I tried to appear generous, polite, and serious, even though inside I was unsure of myself.

My insecurities became a part of me, and I never truly understood how much they affected my interactions with her.

This young woman was a year older than me and was so focused on helping me with my future that we ignored the growing feelings between us.

She was so determined to guide me toward my career that we missed the subtle signs that we were falling for each other. In hindsight, I realize we have some mixed good feelings.

The Path We Didn’t Take

But, as often happens in life things didn’t go the way one hopes. I was too wrapped up in my self-doubt to recognize the moment when she offered me her heart.

She tried to make her feelings clear, but I couldn’t bring myself to accept them. We sat there in silence, neither of us knowing how to move forward.

I broke her heart that day, and the weight of unspoken words hung heavily between us like a storm waiting to break.

There were no loud outbursts, but the air was thick with emotion, and the silence stretched like a gorge between us.

We each quietly carried the burden of what might have been. Afterwards, I felt crushed by the weight of my decision. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what we had lost.

I couldn’t focus on anything else, and my dream of becoming a physician slowly faded. Eventually, I changed my career path and found a new direction in Information Technology.

The Echoes of What Could Have Been

She was always more confident and decisive than I was. I’m unsure how she felt after I failed to respond to her. All I know is that, though she moved on with her life, there are times when I still think about her.

As I reflect, on it now, I realize that men are often seen as the more emotional ones, but sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me too. Maybe, just maybe, she does.

Originally published in this blog on July 12, 2007, I’m republishing this story today, still in awe of the emotions and lessons it holds.