How One Friendship Ended Without Words, and What It Taught Me About Self-Worth, Low Esteem and the Power of Communication.

This incident occurred nearly 27 years ago, yet I find myself reflecting on it today. It continues to shape my understanding of human relationships, particularly my connection with a friend named Subbu.

I wonder how I would have responded had I been in his position, struggling with low self-esteem. I now find it important to share this experience in a blog, as it holds valuable lessons about the complexities of friendship and the fragility of human emotions.

At one time, Subbu and I shared a good relationship. But over time, his small actions, once charming, began to annoy me. These weren’t necessarily major problems, but more of his eccentricities, behaviours I had noticed in him before became harder to overlook.

He tended to say and do things that seemed out of place, and I didn’t always know how to respond. Though I never intended to hurt him, I began to distance myself.

Our meetings, which used to happen regularly — six times a week — dwindled to only two. I continued to answer his calls, but I didn’t recognize that my actions were leaving him feeling increasingly frustrated.

Perhaps his expectations of our friendship were too high, or maybe, as I later understood, he didn’t know how to express his feelings and complexes properly.

The turning point came when Subbu invited me to lunch with his girlfriend, Shelly. This invitation was unusual, especially considering his prior eccentric behaviour.

Subbu had often spoken about Shelly with affection, so I agreed to meet them, though I felt some hesitation. Part of me was curious to meet Shelly, but somewhere I wanted to make light of their relationship with my usual humour. Still, I went wondering if this might finally bring us closer again.

We met at an upscale restaurant in town. Subbu greeted me warmly at the entrance, and for a moment, it felt as though nothing had changed. “Where’s Shelly?” I asked, expecting to meet her. He smiled and assured me that she would be joining us soon, then gently guided me inside.

As we sat and began talking, the awkwardness I had sensed earlier in the day only grew. Had something gone wrong? I wondered. Perhaps Shelly was running late, or maybe there was some other issue.

I casually suggested to Subbu that we order some light starters while we waited. But before I could say anything more, Subbu suddenly stood up, apologized, and said he needed to use the washroom.

I nodded, but a feeling of unease crept in. Ten minutes passed, and still, no sign of Subbu. I glanced around, trying to distract myself from the couple at the next table.

But as more time passed, I began to feel something was off. Eventually, I decided to check the washroom. To my surprise, he wasn’t there.

I reassured myself, thinking that maybe he had stepped outside to check on Shelly. But when I went to the entrance, I saw the uncomfortable truth — Subbu had left, leaving me alone in the restaurant.

After that day, we never spoke again. I still couldn’t fully grasp why he had acted that way. In time, I realized that his behaviour wasn’t just a simple act of frustration or a petty attempt to hurt me.

It was a reflection of something deeper — his inability to communicate his feelings due to his low self-esteem. Perhaps, in his eyes, he was trying to assert some control over the situation in the only way he knew how.

Perhaps his actions were a silent cry for help, a result of being unable to find the right words to express his hurt.

What did I learn from this? The most significant lesson wasn’t about valuing him more or less; it was about the fragile nature of self-worth. Sometimes, when a person’s self-esteem is low, they struggle to choose the right words or actions to express themselves.

This inability to communicate effectively can create distance, even in once-strong relationships. In Subbu’s case, he had no way of saying, “I feel overlooked” or “I need more from this friendship.” Instead, he acted in ways that, to an outsider, might seem confusing or irrational.

In relationships, the power of communication is crucial. When we fail to understand each other’s needs or when we are unable to articulate our own, misunderstandings arise.

Subbu’s behaviour was a clear reminder of how important it is to be able to express feelings openly and honestly. Low self-esteem can trap a person in a cycle of silence, where words and actions become barriers instead of bridges.

The lesson is quite simple: relationships are built not just on mutual care, but also on the ability to express ourselves clearly and with humility. When we struggle with self-worth, it can cloud our judgment and affect our actions, often in ways that hurt others unintentionally.

Humility and empathy are essential in overcoming these barriers. In friendships, as in all relationships, it’s important to understand that sometimes the most significant barrier isn’t between people, but between their ability to communicate their feelings without fear of judgment.

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Subbu — Image by Copillot